This month we’ve been talking about change. We’ve discussed navigating change, trusting in the process, and how change is happening with each passing minute. These topics have mainly been related to how change happens to us. This week I’d like to focus on the active role we can play in change.

When I view change from the passive role of change happening to me, it’s easy to feel powerless. When I initiate change there is a feeling of power because I am the one taking the action. It seems that when I’m initiating at least some of the change happening in my life, there’s much less room to feel like a victim.

I’ve noticed this theme throughout my work life. Whenever I haven’t had a vision for where my job/role was going, I’ve felt as if I wasn’t in charge of my destiny. However, whenever I’ve initiated projects for myself or volunteered to help with an existing project, I’ve felt like I have more control over my job and there’s more of a purpose in my work.

Even with my current role, as entrepreneur and solo business owner, those times when I’ve let things get stagnant, I’ve felt like I’ve lost direction with my business. However, when I try new things, even if they fail, I feel a renewed sense of purpose. This makes me feel powerful and on track with my work.

So, you see, change is important to us. The change we initiate can make us feel powerful and in charge of our lives. What change can you make now?

he title of this week’s newsletter – Nothing Is Permanent – is one of the most wonderful aspects of change. When a day is hectic or my children are acting like WWE wrestlers at a Friday night Smackdown I feel better knowing that this difficult moment will not last forever.

In our mind we tend to solidify everything that happens by thinking that it is the way things are. Then we proceed to complain about it, further solidifying the permanence of whatever has happened. We also do this with people – declaring that someone is always doing a certain thing.

Whenever you find yourself saying ‘always’ or ‘never’ think about whether what you are saying is really the case. Most of the time you’ll find an exception. Perhaps your Mom acts a certain way and you feel she’s always like this however you hear a friend of hers describe her in a different way. You realize she really does have another side to her.

Practice This
Try these 4 easy steps to ease your reaction to an uncomfortable situation:

Step 1: Stop and Recognize What Is Bothering You
When you find yourself at wits end, try to stop yourself and look at the situation. Ask yourself, “What is happening here?”, “What am I so frustrated/sad/angry about?”

Step 2: Remind Yourself That This Moment Will Pass
Say to yourself, “This moment will pass.” Imagine the moment is like a cloud moving across the sky.

Step 3: Breathe Deeply 10 Times
Take 10 deep belly breaths. Fill your belly more deeply with each breath. Imagine that you are putting some space around the situation or space around your thoughts about the situation.

Sometimes this helps stop whatever is going on. When my children hear me breathing this way, they’ll stop and say, “What’s wrong Mom.” Then I’m able to ask them to stop what they are doing rather than yell (which is my first reaction).

Step 4: Ask Yourself, “Is it always true?”
Next, ask yourself, “Is this always true?” or “Does this always happen?”. Most likely you’ll realize that it’s not always the case and it helps you soften to the person or the situation.

Result
By realizing a difficult moment will pass – the real beauty of change – we are able to loosen our reaction to it. When we stop and give ourselves the opportunity to put space around the situation by breathing, sometimes the situation resolves itself on its own. Try this practice and notice what it does for you.

I’d love to hear how these tips are working for you. Feel free to add your thoughts to this blog.

All my best,

Jacqueline

September is a month of change: kids go back to school, maybe you are going back to school or taking some classes/training, work gets a little more intense after summer vacations, traffic often becomes heavier and the weather begins to cool. While September brings anticipation of new promise, it can also bring resistance to change.

The one constant we always have is change. Yet it can feel quite uncomfortable. Whenever something feels difficult, it is always because of how we think about it. The first thing we typically do when presented with change is to evaluate it. “Is this good or bad?” When we label it bad, we automatically resist the change and it becomes quite uncomfortable.

When we can stop labeling the changes in our lives, we can navigate through life much more easily.

In this Chinese proverb, we see an example of a man who is able to resist labeling things good or bad and therefore rest more easily than his neighbors in times of change:

An old farmer had an old horse for tilling his fields. One day the horse escaped into the hills. When all the farmer’s neighbors sympathized with the old man over his bad luck, the farmer replied, “Who knows? We shall see.”

A week later the horse returned with a herd of wild horses from the hills and this time the neighbors congratulated the farmer on his good luck. His reply was the same, “Who knows? We shall see.”

Then, when the farmer’s son attempted to tame one of the wild horses, he fell off its back and broke his leg. Everyone thought this to be very bad luck. Not the farmer, whose only reaction was, “Who knows? We shall see.”

Some weeks later the army marched into the village and gathered every able-bodied youth they found there to join the military. As it happened the farmer’s son was deemed unfit because of his broken leg. “What very good fortune you have!!” the villagers exclaimed as their own young sons were marched away. “You must be very happy.” “Who knows? We shall see.”, replied the old farmer.

Practice This
The next time you notice yourself labeling something either ‘good’ or ‘bad’, see whether you can instead simply say to yourself, “This is change.” Try to stop yourself from going on to add whether it is ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Notice how much easier it becomes to navigate your daily experience.

Free Teleconference
Join me for our next free teleconference on September 14th at 12:30pm ET. We’ll discuss how to reduce feeling overwhelmed and how to navigate change. I’ll answer your questions. Register here.

Blog
I’d love to hear how these tips are working for you. Feel free to add your thoughts/questions to this blog.

All my best,
Jacqueline