I learned about Sylvia Lafair through a LinkedIn connection. Here's a terrific article about being consistent in your work and home communication, which makes your home communication more effective. Enjoy…
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The question is always asked, “Should we behave differently at work than we do at home?” Think about how you delegate work to your employees, or to your children. Scan your past encounters with co-workers when there is conflict and do the same for what happens when you and your spouse or partner are annoyed with each other. How do you acknowledge colleagues at work for a job well done; how about your family?
Effective leadership considers the fact that you are more effective when you are centered and respond in a similar way at work as well as at home. It is an illusion to think that you are meant to be different in these two most important places in your life.
The job of a leader is to reflect on what motivates individuals and then use leadership skills and tools effectively everywhere in life. Trouble starts when we compartmentalize thinking that people need and want us to behave in stereotypical ways as boss or parent or spouse or friend.
What we want from each other is a form of consistency and consideration. Here are the key factors to best leadership practices for work and home that come from my book “Don’t Bring It to Work”:
· Ask open ended questions before making requests
· Listen without blaming or attacking
· Check assumptions more than once
· If you are upset, say so, don’t hide your emotions
· Acknowledge your part in the situation
· Look for and address patterns that show repetitive behavior
· Make agreements with clear time lines
· Do not threaten
· No zingers
· Extend appreciation for drilling down to core issues
· Take a break if tensions are high
· Come back to discussion within three hours, don’t let it linger
· Complete with a handshake, written agreement or a hug
In my coaching program I am amazed how many individuals think it is fine to yell at home and be very tactical at work while others are exactly the opposite. The “Dr. Jekyll/ Mr. Hyde” syndrome simply doesn’t work!
When we compartmentalize our behavior it becomes quite obvious to almost all people – be the employees, our children, parents, board of directors, colleagues or our intimate relationships. There is a quality of stiffness, a sense of phoniness, and most importantly, a felt sense, that intuitive nagging sense that you cannot really be totally trusted.
Here is what effective leadership education and core level coaching offers: the ability to help you peel through the layers to understand what pushes your buttons and why you feel the need to behave formally at work while you let your emotions rip at home or, as said earlier, the other way around. It is your responsibility as a leader in both areas to find the most appropriate and effective ways to communicate and when you do, I promise, they will work for you everywhere, everyday in a similar way.
Here is to your success in healing the divide to more effective communication.
Sylvia Lafair, PhD, is a business leadership expert, President of CEO – Creative Energy Options, Inc., a global consulting company focused on redefining leadership and optimizing workplace relationships and award winning author of “Don’t Bring It to Work”. She has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Time, New York Times, many radio and TV programs. As an executive coach and leadership educator, she has more than 30 years of experience with all levels of management. Her quick-witted humor, charisma, and energy are infectious and her knowledge gives substance and depth to all presentations.
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