Worrying seems to be the number one cause of stress and the reason so many people feel exhausted. In working with people from Fortune 50 companies to small companies to entrepreneurs and retirees, people tell me they constantly worry about their kids, their parents' health, their job, their company, the economy, the election, the world, and the list goes on and on.

You can see how worry like this causes a huge amount of stress. Most of our worry is for not. How often does the event you worried about really happen in the same way you worried about it? Worry saps your time and energy. It also decreases your happiness and resiliency.

Here are five strategies you can use to quiet your worrying and dissolve it. 

Strategies

1. Label The Thought
2. Stop The Story  
3. Distract Your Brain     
4. Have Compassion
5. Exhale

Now, let’s learn how to put these strategies into action. You may want to practice each strategy for a few days before adding the next. They build on each other nicely, and have a powerful effect when combined. For example, try strategy 1 for a few days, then try strategies 1 and 2 for a few days before adding strategy 3.

 

Strategy #1 – Label The Thought
A study out of UCLA found that just by naming a thought you decrease the intensity of it significantly. By naming your worry, you'll catch yourself when worrying more quickly and you'll be able to reduce it's hold on you.

Try This

Each time you notice yourself worrying:

1. Say silently to yourself "This is just worry"  
2. Take 1-3 deep breaths
3. Notice how you feel

 

Strategy #2 – Stop The Story

Worry tends to grow and multiply. Why? Worry is a story. Our stories tend to grow as we think about them. Let me share a personal example. 

A few weeks ago my son was hurt playing football. He took a week off and then was ready to go back to play. However, I was worried. In the game my son was hurt, 3 other boys on his team were also injured. It's really hard to watch a game like that where it seems boys are dropping like flies.  

The week my son was ready to go back to play his team was to face one of the tougher teams in their league. Many parents were worried because with fewer players each boys' likelihood of injury increases. Over the course of the week leading up to the game, I had conversations with other parents and as we talked my level of worry multiplied. I left those conversations very concerned. I pictured that game in which 4 boys were hurt and imagined it happening again this week.

I spent a lot of time that week worrying about the kids getting hurt.  

The game came and went with no one getting hurt. All that worry had simply been a waste of time and energy.   

Sometimes worry is helpful if it leads us to take mindful action. For example,  it would have been helpful if I decided not to let my son play.     

However, since I wasn't taking any action, the worry was for not. If something had happened and my son had gotten injured, my advance worrying would have been a hindrance. Worry is stressful and puts your mind/body into a state of fight or flight. Daniel Goleman, in his book Emotional Intelligence, explains when we are in a fight or flight state our thinking is clouded and not rational.  

If I had been mindful during the week and my son had gotten injured, I would have stepped into action most clearly and known what to do.     

Try This

When you notice yourself worrying: 

• Say to yourself, “This is simply a story” and set the intention to stop the story immediately
• If you find yourself expanding the story by talking to others about it, see whether you can stop and change the subject—you'll do yourself and your friends a big favor  

Notice how many habitual stories you can weaken by not talking and/or thinking about them. Each time you stop a story in it's tracks, the story becomes less of a habit and you'll find it easier to be free from it. 

 

Strategy #3 – Distract Your Brain
Your brain is not capable of thinking about two things at the exact same moment (it may seem like you can do this, but you really can't). Let’s give your brain something else to do so you can stop worrying. 

Many adults and children I know have found this technique to be particularly helpful in stopping worrying about homework, bills, family members and the future. One child even used it to halt a migraine when she was out to dinner with her family.

Try This

1. Touch your thumb to your pointer finger and say silently "SA"
2. Touch your thumb to your middle finger and say silently "TA"
3. Touch your thumb to your ring finger and say silently "NA"
4. Touch your thumb to your pinkie finger and say silently "MA"
5. Repeat this until your worrying has vanished   

 

Strategy #4 – Have Compassion

This strategy focuses on supporting yourself so you can make additional progress in eliminating worry for good.  

With practice of the previous three techniques you will reduce worry significantly. However, worry will creep back in periodically so we need to have something to do when it does.    

When it creeps back in have compassion for yourself. After all, you are human and the purpose of your mind is to think. Because your brain is programmed to solve problems, it will resort to worrying occasionally.

Having compassion for yourself is quite powerful. Compassion allows you to soften your grip on worrying, which allows you to reduce the mental habit of this type of thinking. 

Yes, you do hold on to worrying–we all do. It's part of our brain's goal to be right. Just notice how 'right' it feels to worry. Notice the justification you give to spending so much energy on worrying. Then notice what a waste of time worrying is and see how being ‘right’ may not be serving you.

When you employ compassion, you lesson your grip on both worrying and the justification that keeps it locked in place.

Try This

When you notice yourself worrying, practice the 3 previous strategies and then take a moment to have compassion for yourself. Don't beat yourself up for succumbing to worry. Instead, say to yourself, "I have compassion for myself for worrying. Now I'm going to let the worry go." 

 

Strategy #5 – Exhale

This final step is quite powerful, especially when you can't get the worrying to stop—when you feel anxious or are having a panic attack.   

When very worried, anxious or experiencing a panic attack, the balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide in your body gets out of whack. There is too much oxygen which makes it hard to take a deep breath. 

By exhaling fully and then pausing, you allow the oxygen/carbon dioxide ratio to come back into balance and the anxiety or panic attack is reduced significantly.

Try This

1. Take at least three breaths exaggerating your exhalation.  
2. As you squeeze all of the air out of your body say to yourself, "I release worry."  
3. While holding your breath out for a moment, imagine the worry leaving your body and being absorbed into the ground to be dissolved.
4. Let your breath flow in easily on your inhalation (you may notice your breath is deeper because you exaggerated your exhalation) and then start the process again with your next exhalation. 
5. Keep breathing this way until you feel you've completely let go of the worry.     

 

Practice the techniques daily over the next three weeks and they’ll become a helpful habit—you’ll remember to use them when you most need help. 

All my best wishes for you,

Jacqueline

 

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